the bebanoia: twisted views and daydreaming blues

NEW BLOG

2010-04-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

http://bernicesibucao.wordpress.com/

Do visit my wordpress, people. Yes, I’m blogging again after a series of failed blog attempts. This time though I’m serious. I was wishy-washy with my blogger and yeah, tumblr. I’m really trying to write everyday. I’m struggling to find the interesting things in boring stuff, boring people, boring ideas——my life, simply put.

When the school year comes though, I can’t promise daily posts. Not that you will care anyway. Oh crap, self-deprecation.

kiddie parties

2009-08-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

Naalala ko lang, nung bata ako, palagi na lang akong lugi sa palaagawan. Alam niyo yun? Yung palaagawan tuwing may birthday party? Yung maraming nakasabit na candy at laruan. Wala lang. Na-share ko lang. Hindi pa kasi ako mataas tumalon nun eh. Oo. Hindi pa ko ninja nung mga panahong iyon. Buwisit kasi yung mga damulag eh. Lagi na lang akong nauunahan sa water gun. Buti na lang kapag basagan ng palayok. Winner na winner ako.

Lahat sila lumuluhod sa harap ko para pulutin ang candy. HAHAHA!

Sana pala. Tinadyakan ko na lang silang lahat para napunta sa akin yung water gun. Pero hindi eh. Masyado pa akong nahuhumaling sa Batibot nun. Teka. Batibot nga ba pinapanood ko nun? Hindi yata. Oo tama. Hindi ko trip si Pong Pagong eh. San ka ba naman nakakita ng pagong na hindi matigas yung likod? Kalokohan. Ginaya pa Sesame Street. Tapos ang pangit pang pakinggan ng pangalan. BA-TI-BOT. Parang ang bantot.

Ay teka. Ghost Fighter yata yung pinapanood ko nun. Tama, tama. Kaya pala gusto ko ng water gun. Kasi parang Ray Gun. Alam niyo yun? Yung kaisa-isang super power ni Eugene. Actually, hindi ko favorite character si Eugene eh. Paano isa lang power niya. Ray Gun. Ang lame di ba? Kaya tuloy tumagal yung laban nila ni Taguro. Paano ba naman. Buong laban. Gamitin lang daw ba ang Ray Gun. Buti pa si Dennis. May latigo na. Taong lobo pa. Kaso ang labo ng sexuality ni Dennis eh. Hindi mo alam kung babae o lalaki. Siguro bi siya?

Hay ewan. Basta. Dapat sa akin napunta yung water gun.

Pero okay lang. Nabasag ko naman yung palayok eh.

Hindi ko nga lang napulot kaagad yung candy.

Tangina.

Epic fail.

attempt # 2

2009-04-21T20:53:00.004+08:00

"Mornings with Mother"

Mother’s voice is like a splash of cold water in the early morning. It is the only thing that
can transport me back to reality after a short journey in dreamland.

It is inevitable to hate mother’s voice, especially during this time of the day
when you would rather sleep than get pulled out of bed.

In this struggle between parent and child though, the former always wins.
Mother would always beat me in our daily wrestling of bed sheets, blankets, and pillows,
leaving me with no choice but to get up and face the day ahead.

As customary, mother would make me take a bath before leaving the house.
Proper hygiene, she would always say.

Taking a bath, however, is a challenge during mornings.
Water from the faucet has an icy feel that can instantly erase the last traces
of dreamland.

As customary again, mother would take out her little kettle, pour icy water in it and
place it on the stove.

Mother would always do this before letting me take a bath. It would always be
fifteen minutes or so before she would turn off the stove and pick up the kettle.

I would always watch mother do this, how she takes out her purple mittens
to avoid burns and how she carries that little kettle to the bathroom.

I never followed mother nor helped her carry the kettle.
I would just wait for her until she would call me and say the water is ready.

True enough, the water would already be warm when I reach the bathroom.
Steam rising up from the bucket, the iciness no longer there.

just so you know...

2009-04-15T23:53:00.002+08:00

I now have a Twitter account. Answering the question "What are you doing?" amuses me very much.

Or maybe I'm just bored.

Nonetheless, follow me on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/bernizsibucao

working girl drama

2009-04-06T00:48:00.001+08:00

My summer vacation abruptly ended due to the demands of my parents (and grandparents) that I should get a summer job. I originally liked the idea but after learning that I would be working for two frigging months, I quickly said "HELL NO!". I do like earning money but I prefer sleeping all day as a compensation for my ten months of hard work and brain cell abuse in college. Aside from that, I already had a lot of plans this summer such as resurrecting my piano career and losing the 9 lbs I gained after spending my three-hour breaks in JSEC and my fridays in different Katipunan restaurants. Unfortunately, my folks still forced me to partake in this cruel system called child labor (I'm just 17!). And what's worse, I have to be in office attire! NOOOOO! I'm too young to be a part of the working class society! I'm too young to be brainwashed by capitalist values! I'm too young to be a yuppie!

So yes. I hate being a worker or someone's employee at this supposedly colorful stage of my life. Summer has a lot of things and opportunities in store for me. Being stuck in a gloomy office while shuffling papers is definitely not part of it. Anyway, let me tell you why I hate my job:

1. I need to wake up at 6am and get to work at 7:30am and then I finish at 5pm. I need to go through that for five straight days for two freaking months. Eh putangina! That is like going to high school! It's even worse because I don't even like what I'm doing and I'm not learning anything!

2. I feel alienated. I feel like I'm forever flipping burgers when I'm not really flipping burgers. I feel like my world is slowly being sucked by this evil vacuum with red eyes that glow. I feel like I'm turning into a robot like Asimo. I feel like I'm turning into those depressed office workers who are likely to commit suicide or go crazy because their lives are so boring and lifeless. Yeah. That's it. Alienated.

3. My co-workers, who are also college students, come from a different background. I completely respect that as I don't really give a big deal about society's hierarchy. I just don't like it when I'm stereotyped as the spoiled brat or the sheltered kid who doesn't deserve the summer job slot. That kind of drama doesn't apply in this post-modern society. Spare me from the first impressions and the judgmental eyes.

4. My oh-so-wonderful plans of taking piano lessons and getting a red belt in Taekwondo are now ruined. My whole summer is ruined. I cannot stay up late now and I certainly cannot have DVD marathons. Damn you all who forced me to work!

5. I don't like it when people say that I'm lucky to have this job. Do they actually think that all I think about is money? Yeah I may be lucky to know people but the thing is, others deserve the job more than I do. Then again. Stealing other people's opportunities isn't really what you call lucky nor honorable. Depriving them of a job that they deserve is like being a corrupt politician. So much for learning on how to be a responsible individual. And a citizen of this country. I go by the motto "Men for others". I didn't study in Ateneo to be a burden for others, just so you know.

Tsss. So much for my vacation. One thing is for sure though: I will get out of this job. Get fired or resign. As long as I can get out of this rotten system and get what I really deserve:

summer.

Have I told you that it's just my first day?

when things become non-existent

2009-02-21T00:38:00.003+08:00

things become non-existent
when, after a period of time
--short or long--
they disappear
like bubbles
in mid-air.

things become non-existent
when people tend
to overlook these things
like old Churches, ruins--
all of which are
forgotten.

things become non-existent
when the world moves faster and
when people get busier
like a movie
in fast-forward.

things become non-existent
when memory,
the only thing that can remind someone
of his existence,
is relegated
to oblivion.

humahaiku

2009-01-29T21:20:00.002+08:00

"After the rain"
Dark clouds move over
Giving way to the streaming light
Of the sun's glory

"Moonlight"
A silver light
Illuminates the evening sky
While the moon smiles

"Rain"
Rain falls like tears
Washing away the dust and dirt
Of gray Urbanity

Lit journal entry: Random Video Clips

2008-11-22T14:55:00.001+08:00

It never occurred to me that something so random like video clips would eventually hold a significant value in my life. These video clips were shot during my senior year. They’re just random clips of my senior section’s dance practices. During that school-year, we were bombarded with dance competitions and other activities because almost all the subject areas held dance competitions as “educational” projects.

Going back to my high school days, I first thought that recording our practices or should I say, the moments when we were too lazy to follow our choreographer, was silly. Filming my classmates doing cartwheels for fun and dancing the Soulja Boy move was just so nonsensical. In short, I never considered those clips as something I would save in my computer so I could watch it when high school nostalgia hits me. However, nostalgia itself proved me wrong.

I entered college and from this point on, the need to see familiar faces of my high school friends has been troubling me. To make myself feel better, I watch video clips of our senior year dance contests. However, those clips alone couldn’t fill this certain emptiness. I talked to my high school friend about it. While I was ranting to her, she suddenly said something about the random video clips. She said that she too thought it was silly first but now she realized that each clip captured the essence of our being seniors. I contemplated on what she said and eventually I understood her. True enough, those random clips of us doing mundane things may not portray our glorifying moments like the clips of the exact dance contests. But these random video clips portray our everyday lives as seniors, lives which we failed to appreciate as the high school days passed by swiftly.

Last month, I asked my friend to send me those clips. I watched each clip and I found myself smiling. One clip that I truly loved shows our senior section celebrating in Jollibee after winning our last dance contest. It felt so good to see those familiar faces again telling each other jokes and just having fun. That clip may not be as colorful as the dance contest itself but at least it was able to show one of the many shades of our colorful lives.

“Something so random like video clips of forgotten memories will always be significant in my life because these clips show the life I used to live and I used to share with those who are special to me.”

tanghalian

2008-10-27T14:08:00.005+08:00

Lord grant me the serenity

Kumakain sila sa hapag-kainan
Nagpapakabusog sa oras ng tanghalian
Nang aabutin na niya
Ang basong kristal na may malamig na tubig
Napansin niyang may maling nangyayari

to accept the things I cannot change;

Sa labas ng kusina
Pinapawisan sa init ang plantsadora
Habang pinipilit niyang tanggalin ang mga lukot sa damit
Tiyan niya'y kumukulo
Ngunit walang nakapapansin

courage to change the things I can;

Nakita niya ang kanyang nanay na
Kumuha ng isang maliit na longganisa
At nilagay ito sa platito at sinabing:
"Tawagin mo na ang katulong."
Nagtaka siya at tinanong:
"Ayan lang ba?"
Tila nagulat ang nanay
Kaya't umabot muli sa pinggan na puno ng longganisa.

and wisdom to know the difference.

Tinawag na ang plantsadora
Kumuha na ito ng isang asul na baso
At nilagyan ng maligamgam na tubig
Sabay dampot sa kanyang plato na may kanin
At sa platito na may dalawang pirasong longganisa
Binuksan nito ang pinto papalabas ng bahay
Upang kumain sa bakuran ng kanyang mga pinagsisilbihan

Lumabas sa kusina ang nanay
Habang may dala-dalang yelo
Naglakad papuntang sala
At nilagay ang yelo sa inuminan ng kanilang mamahaling aso

On writing

2008-10-24T02:03:00.001+08:00

I miss writing. By that I mean, serious writing and not the word vomiting I have been doing for the past months.

I miss considering myself as a writer. Sadly, my writing career was zapped to dust when I failed to enter school publications because of laziness. During the rec week, I only gave 30% effort in joining Heights and Commotion. Unfortunately, 30% was not enough since my competitors were giving 100%. They were in complete Magis mode while I---still thinking that college was like high school --- was in slacker mode. Add up the fact that my competitors all had big brains. As for Guidon, I did not even show up in the General Assembly and exams. I kept saying to myself, "Bukas na lang." Too bad, the days passed by so swiftly that I lost count and eventually neglected the fact that I need to try-out for Guidon. So much for my high school teachers' expectations. They thought I would make 'em proud for representing the school like my other school mates. Sorry. I screwed-up.

Oh well, ranting won't make any difference. However, to start writing again seems like the best solution to my deteriorating career. Who knows? Maybe I have improved given the exercises and tips from my English 11 and Filipino 11 classes.

Yeah. I should write again. I've been having brain farts (term ni Idge kapag bigla siyang nagkakaroon ng good ideas) lately and I don't know what to do with them. It's just a waste to keep these really cool ideas to myself and forget them afterwards. I might as well develop, for example, this certain brain fart and turn it into a profound essay. Maybe. Just maybe. I could win a Palanca ---and die peacefully --- with that brain-fart-turned-essay.

Okay, it's settled:

I will write again.

I will finish a novel and a compilation of essays, poems, and short stories.

And I will win that damn Palanca before I die.

Nang makita kong muli si Tootsie

2008-10-17T22:12:00.005+08:00

Naamoy ko na ang inorder naming sizzling porkchop ni Tubbs nang biglang dumating si Tootsie. Natawa ako sa entrance ni Tootsie sa masikip na kainan ni Aling Marissa. Ang porma-porma pa niya talaga: color blue na polo shirt, semi-skinny jeans, at blue na havaianas. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya, "Hoy! Sino ba pinopormahan mo sa Malabon?" Kaso nanahimik na lang ako at baka magalit ang bakla este, ang lalaki.

Hindi ko na lang pinansin si Tootsie kaso naalala ko na pinapunta nga pala siya ni Tubbs dahil tatambay pa sila sa kung saang lupalop pagkatapos naming kumain. Habang nag-iisip ako kung papansinin si Tootsie o hindi, biglang sumigaw si Tubbs.

"Tootsie! Kamusta ka naman?! Hoy! Ano nangyari sa leeg mo?!"

Nang sinabi ni Tubbs 'yun, napansin ko rin ang band-aid sa leeg ni Tootsie.

"Ah wala 'to. Kiss mark. Ayan pa oh. Dami nga eh. Hahaha!"

Sinabi niya yun habang pinapakita ang iba pa niyang ka-ewanan. Feel na feel niya. Hindi niya alam na nandidiri ako sa mga pinapakita niya. Grabe. Kakaiba talaga si Tootsie.

Sa katunayan, muntikan ko nang kanain si Tootsie na kung bakit niya pa pinagmamayabang 'yung band-aid niya kaso nanahimik na lang ulit ako. Alam ko naman na hickey ang tinatakpan ng band-aid. Naalala ko tuloy 'yung mga balita na wala raw ginawa si Tootsie at ang cronies niya kundi gumimik at lumarga. Kumbaga, ginawa nilang literal ang "nightlife".

May naalala akong muli.

Naalala ko na sinabi sa akin ni Tootsie noong high school pa kami na pagdating daw ng college wala raw siyang gagawin kundi magparty sa bar at uminom. Wow naman. Talagang tinotoo niya 'yun.

Naisip ko tuloy na kawawa naman si Tootsie. Akala niya na cool pa rin ang maging pariwara. Kung tutuusin, ang magpasikat at makipagsosyalan lang naman talaga ang ambisyon ni Tootsie. Habang hinihintay ang sizzling porkchop, tinanong ko si Tootsie kung anong aral ba ang ginagawa niya sa school niya:

"Wala! Nangongopya nga lang ako lagi kay John eh! Nakakatamad kaya mag-aral! Puro lang kami inuman ng mga blockmates ko!"

Buong pagmamalaki niya pang sinabi samin 'yun. Natawa na lang ako at sinabi:

"Ah ganun ba. Madali lang ba sa school niyo?"

Siyempre alam ko namang madali lang sa school nila.

"Oo. Okay lang. Eh yun nga, nandiyan naman si John eh..."

Bigla siya nagchange topic. Tinanong niya ko kung saan daw ba kami gumigimik ng mga kablock ko. Naisip ko naman na hindi naman kami gumigimik at kung meron man, hindi sa bar. At naisip ko rin na wala kaming panahon para sa mga ganung bagay. Mahirap atang pumasok na may hang-over. In short, mahirap maging tamad sa Ateneo.

Alam ko naman na hindi maiintindihan ni Tootsie 'yun. Ibang level ang pananaw niya sa mundo. Kaya sinabi ko na lang:

"Bihira lang kami lumabas. At hindi kami nagba-bar. Kung party pag-uusapan, meron ngayong sembreak. Pero pag school days mahirap na eh."

Hindi alam ni Tootsie kung paano siya magre-react. Akala niya yata wala akong ginawa noong mga nakaraang buwan kundi makipagsosyalan.

"Ahhh...Kasi ako nauubos pera ko sa Emba eh."

Nagtaka ako kung bakit niya pa kailangan sabihin 'yun. Hindi niya ba alam na wala akong pakialam sa mga pinaggagawa niya sa buhay? At na wala ring akong pakialam kung makipagsosyalan siya sa Emba dahil wala akong panahon para sa mga ganung kababawan?

Siyempre hindi alam ni Tootsie 'yun. Para sa kanya, cool ang ginagawa niya at mabubuhay na siya sa pangongopya sa iba, pag-inom sa tabi-tabi kasama ang kung sinu-sino, at pagpunta sa Emba upang masabi na may nightlife siya.

Ganyan talaga si Tootsie. Walang kupas kung maglakwatsa.

Dahil nga puro Emba ang lumalabas sa bibig ni Tootsie, napagod na ko at nawalan ng ganang kausapin siya. Alam kong bigla na lang mapupunta ang isang matinong usapan sa Emba, inuman, at party.

Katulad nga ng inaasahan ko.

"Bebz, saan ba kayo magpaparty ngayon sembreak?"

"Uhhh...hindi ako sure kung tuloy kami sa 25 eh."

"25?! Ano meron?!"

"Uhhh...Black Magic ba 'yun.."

"O! Saan?"

"Malayan something-something Hotel..."

"Ayy..saan 'yun?"

"I think it's in Pasig. I'm not sure though."

"Ah. 'Yun lang pupuntahan niyo?"

"I think mayroon silang thingy sa 28. The party is called Cursed. Valle Verde yata."

"Owz?! Sama ako!"

Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko:

"HUH??? Are you freaking kidding me?!"

At doon nagtapos ang usapan namin ni Tootsie dahil hindi ko na siya pinansin habang dumadakdak siya tungkol sa mga napuntahan niyang bar at ang mga "party peeps" niya na school mates lang din pala namin. Grabe Tootsie. Magsama nga kayo. Naalala ko tuloy ang mga kinamumuhian kong mga bagay sa high school: ang mga sosyal na hindi naman sosyal at ang mga tamad na hindi naman dapat hangaan.

Naglalakad na kami pauwi ni Tubbs at Tootsie. Natuwa ako nang makita ko ang kanto namin. Nagpaalam na kagad ako sa kanila.

"Sige mauuna na ako."

"Sige bebz! Ingat!" sigaw ni Tubbs.

Palayo na ang dalawa. Napansin ko na parang nagmo-model walk si Tootsie. Noong oras na iyon, gusto kong isigaw sa kanya na napuputikan na ang kanyang mamahaling pantalon.

and yes, it's always high school

2008-09-20T13:49:00.005+08:00

I should be doing my three papers for English and Lit but I'm having a bad case of nostalgia. I miss the Nerds. I know I have been saying this since college began. As a matter of fact, some people are already getting sick of my rants and weekly drama. I can't help it though. I miss them. I miss them to the point that I'm having an unproductive time. My mind keeps on wandering off to the good old days of dance practices and Jbee moments instead of concentrating on three friggin' final papers. I don't know if nostalgia is a good thing or a bad thing for me now. All I know is that I feel good when memories of senior year come rushing back and when we Nerds conduct monthly get-togethers.

Aside from nostalgia, another thing is bothering me. That certain thing is the fact that people are flying away and will fly away. Julia already left for Canada just this Sunday. It still hasn't dawned on me that she left and that the Nerd family is reduced from 40 to 38 (with Jill in Cananda also). Pee will also leave. Soon. Maybe this time the feeling of losing another Nerdmate because of a better life abroad will create an impact since Pee is one of the Nerds who had never abandoned and will never abandon the Nerdy bunch in this bumpy yet enjoyable ride. After two or three years, Ivan will follow suit. And again, inevitable goodbyes will slap us in the face. I just hope by the time he leaves us, we Nerds will still be the Nerds who left St. James Academy as a family. I hope college wouldn't change us and wouldn't ruin our bond.

I'm not sure though if another one will leave after college. Well, I wish majority of the Nerds will stay here in the Philippines even if this country sucks.

I think I should finish my papers now. I just remembered that in a certain blog I said grades do not matter to me as long as I have the Nerds. It's hard to rely on that thought alone when people around you are saying that grades do matter because you'll have a screwed-up future if you fail. It's as if your whole life depends on being in a good school and being a good student. I have no problems with being an achiever. I just want to accomplish all of these by not going solo or by not being alone. And by that I mean I want people like the Nerds to be with me even if we're in different universities.

This drama boils down to the point that reality sucks. Reality, however, is bearable. I can endure having F's, being in the lower rungs of Ateneo, and putting-up with college for four years if I have people who I can rant to, people who will give me monthly therapies for my sanity, people who will accept me even if I have my own share of failures, people who know me for who I am and not what I am.

All in all, I know that at the end of the day I still have people who will remind me of dance practices, Jbee moments and the good old days of senior year.

I know that at the end of the day, I still have people to go home to.

Some may fly away but as the drama goes...

We are still and will always will be under the same sky.

That is our reality. Nothing can change that.

OH NO!

2008-08-18T23:36:00.004+08:00

HOLY CRAP!

MY BLOG IS DETERIORATING! I AM SO SORRY DEAR READERS!!! WAIT, DO I STILL EVEN HAVE ONE GIVEN THE HORRIBLE SITUATION OF THE BEBANOIA?!!

I am really sorry people! I am sorry for the following shortcomings:

1. Filling my blog with EMO rants rather than with funny, sarcastic rants.

2. Failing to change the over-all design. CLARICE HELP ME!

3. Failing to update the CBOX.

4. ....

5. .... T-T And many more...

I know, I know! I need to improve this blog! College has been hell and yeah, it has been keeping me busy. I promise to make this blog worth visiting and reading again!

JUST WAIT!

originally written last tuesday

2008-08-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

Masaya kapag isa lang papasukan mong subject pero mahirap 'pag isa nga lang subject mo, kaso hindi mo naman maintindihan yung tinuturo ng prof mong kano. Parang hindi ka rin pumasok. Sinabaw ka lang.

Masaya kumain sa Perspolis pero mahirap nga lang umupo dahil mangangawit ka.

Masaya magcounter-strike kasama ang block mo, pero mahirap nga lang kapag wala pang isang minuto or thirty seconds eh naheheadshot ka na o nasasabugan ng granada. In short, ikaw ang loser.

Masaya tumakbo sa ulan pero mahirap nga lang 'pag wala kang dalang jacket o payong tapos tatakbo ka from ministop to lrt. Ayos. Ang sarap maligo at gumawa ng puddle sa lrt train.

Masaya kapag naactivate mo na yung AISIS account mo, pero mahirap nga lang tanggapin ang katotohanan na napagkamalan kang lalaki sa phone ng registrar ng Ateneo. What's new? At least hindi ka tinawag na "iho" unlike nung babaeng kinukulit ka magdasal sa telepono tapos bigla mo na lang maririnig boses mo sa channel 59 or 60 pataas. Buti nga tinanong ka pa ng, "Girl ka ba??". At least yan, hindi nadagdagan phone bill mo di tulad nung ra(c)ket ng worship group na yun.

Alam mo, ayos lang ang lahat ng 'yan. Basta ang importante, naging masaya ka.

:D

2008-08-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

BUM BUM BE-DUM BUM BUM BE-DUM BUM!!

I actually feel good today. Good in a sense that I don't feel like ranting or complaining about college, my deteriorating grammar ("You haven't drinked yet!") and writing skills, and my list of " mga kasawian sa buhay". Yup, I feel good. For the first time in weeks, I feel so freaking good that as of now, I don't mind cramming my LIT paper and English article, and I don't want to jump to the other side. Maybe August will be a good month unlike July. Fuck July. Yeah, I may have turned 17 but things unexpectedly went way downhill.

Whatever. Basta...

I love this day. I love A2. I love feeling good. :D

misinterpretation?

2008-08-01T22:45:00.005+08:00

It has been two months

And I still don't know why I'm here

Everyday I force myself to wake up

Thinking that maybe this certain day

I'll figure everything out

I still don't know though

I'm getting tired of feeling crappy and jaded

Did I misinterpret the signs?

Then why am I singing another song?

A song that somehow makes me feel better

They say that I should try and see the brightside

I do see a brightside

A brightside on the other side

Was I meant to be here?

Or is this just another rash decision of mine unfolding its consequences?

I want my life back

Because by just being here

Just the thought of it

Sucks the life out of me

I want my life back

Seriously

fallen

2008-07-18T22:47:00.005+08:00

People will always be weak

In one way or another

Even when they had already built walls to surround them

Those walls

Will eventually be shattered

By the very reason why they surrounded themselves with walls in the first place

Because people are obviously just humans

And humans,

From the very beginning,

Are destined to fall.

well whatever

2008-07-02T21:20:00.005+08:00

AMP, AMPuta

A few hours ago, I blew up my chances of being a member of AMP (Ateneo Musicians' Pool). The org conducted an important and must-attend GA. As they were discussing rules about the audition and the importance of attending the GA, I, being "so" devoted to my orgs, was strolling around Trinoma with my sister who probably wasted my precious time. I was supposed to go to the assembly with my blockmate but the time which was 4:30-6:00 didn't coincide with my schedule and I needed to go to my friend's bday party. Yeah I know. I'm full of excuses. Anyway, to make things short, I ditched the GA and would probably ditch my audition this coming Saturday since there is an 80% chance that my name would be scratched out from the audition list because of my disappearing act. There goes my one hundred pesos...

UggggGuidon

Join AMP---you should scratch that from your list of things to do in college.

So you won't be a musician anymore. Okay?? Time for that "be a serious writer" plan. What?? You don't know what time the Guidon GA is? How could you?? It's today, right? Huh? Your blockmate doesn't know also? Uh-oh, honey. Scratch that part too.

So not getting high

"Proceed to dazzlement, Augustine."

Huh? Honestly, Mr. Villa, I don't know what the hell you are talking about. I don't know how and why you would invite a tiger for a weekend. It just doesn't make sense to me. Who in God's name is Augustine, anyway? Is he a saint, a soldier, or some random guy who just popped in your head? I'm really sorry, Mr. Villa. I'm not a literary genius although I'm trying to be one. I'm sorry if I don't know why Augustine should proceed to dazzlement and why he should graduate to a tiger. I'm sorry if your fellow poets' masterpiece and works fail to mesmerize and enlighten me. Can I ask you a question though, Mr. Villa? Is Cho-fu-sa even a word or an expression? Does Andy Warhol even give a damn about his Filipina maids? I'm really confused here, dear sir. Probably your words beyond the grave would help me.

crappy days: fuck college

2008-06-26T22:32:00.002+08:00

This day sucked. For real. College just bitch-slapped me in the face, waking me up from the sweet intoxication of my high school lifestyle which was---(drum roll please)---lazying around. It hurts. Really. Getting slapped by that harsh reality when you're still a newbie. Nakabog ako dun. Hahahaha! Oh well, ngiti nalang ako.

As usual I arrived in school early. I was in my all-white taekwondo uniform. I thought that the day ahead was going to be good. Unfortunately, lady luck wasn't at my side:

The .

One thing I love about my TKD uniform is that it's very comfy. I could move around freely: kick, jump, and dance as much as I want to without a seam or stich getting ripped. The bad side, however, is only known to girls who would suddenly get the . . I was goofing around with my TKD blockmates when it happened. FAST FORWARD! Describing the details would be too much. Next thing I know, I was pounding a vending machine with my fists just so my four pesos wouldn't be a waste. Luckily, the (insert the word here if you know what I'm talking about) came down, at the reach of my hands. It doesn't end there though. I had to ask my driver to buy me a whole pack of those things. Uggghhh....humiliating.

Unwanted free cut

So there I was, rushing from the disastrous PE class to Math class which somehow turned out to be okay. I felt triumphant when I arrived early. No surprise visits could make me late. However, I found out that I ran for nothing. I just sat there when Ms. Tulao came and announced that the period was a free cut. So much for my effort to run...Oh well, at least I get to rest...

Bag shmag

I knew it! When that zipper snapped I knew it! It was a bad omen. The day was bound to be bad. So effing baaaddd....

Knowledge is power. Power is knowledge. Wrong knowledge, however, is useless power and vice versa.

Surprise, surprise! Bulagang pagsusulit na! Fil 11 unexpectedly added to the reasons why this day sucked. We had a quiz about What is Literature. I messed-up. BIG TIME. I explained the wrong concept when in the back of mind I know what the right answer was. This was the first time in college that I began to self-destruct. I always self-destruct in high school but that was no big deal. I explained the knowledge/power concept when the right concept to explain was wika as an arbitrary instrument. Shitty. Oh well, babawi nalang ako. Sabi nga ni unknown blockmate, "We have four months to save the world." Yep. I still have four months to save myself. I'll probably save the world if I'll feel like it.

This FIL test really traumatized me to the point that I made Dylan suffer from my rants:

berniz sibucao: i would have cut the damn class
berniz sibucao: kaso may diagnostic test kme
berniz sibucao: next thing was.....
berniz sibucao: we had a surprise quiz sa filipino
berniz sibucao: i'm not stupid in filipino. i studied my notes and all. BUT I FLUNKED THE TEST!
berniz sibucao: it was an essay type
berniz sibucao: AND I WROTE ABOUT THE WRONG POINT!
berniz sibucao: ANG LAYO NUNG CONCEPT NA INEXPLAIN KO SA TAMANG SAGOT!
Dylan Taytayon: i understand. wla rin ako s tamang state of mind if what happened to you happened to m.
berniz sibucao: mejo ok na ko nung fil
berniz sibucao: coz hapon nnman eh
berniz sibucao: BUT I FLUNKED THE TEST! I WAS LIKE SELF-DESTRUCTING!
Dylan Taytayon: ikaw lng nag fail?
berniz sibucao: dunno
berniz sibucao: but i think almost everyone got the right point
berniz sibucao: malas!
Dylan Taytayon: well these things happen. you were having an off color day.
berniz sibucao: i mean i know the answer but my mind kept telling me to do otherwise
berniz sibucao: and that is to explain the wrong point
berniz sibucao: arrrggghhh!!!
Dylan Taytayon: everyone knows filipno isnt ur strong point anyway, dont be too hard on urself.
berniz sibucao: dylan! it's fucking filipino!!
berniz sibucao: it's like english na tinagalog!
Dylan Taytayon: filipino - english na tinagalog.
berniz sibucao: it's like taking candy from a baby!!!
berniz sibucao: and i stole from the baby who cried and screamed!!!

Wow. What a stupid idea: filipino na English na tinagalog. Geez...Sabaw nun ha.

Karma in huge numbers

Everyone was so nervous for the Math Diagnostic Test. I was part of that everyone. I reviewed for the test like any other GOOD student. It feels so good to say that. GOOD student. Hahahahaha! Anyway, I'm the type of person who tends to avoid last-minute reviews because I feel like I'm gonna forget everything if I put too much effort on reviewing. My style worked. Well, somehow. I have 60% sure answers while the rest are blahs. Part of the 40% were, I think, five copied answers and some eenie-meenie-minie-moes. Yeah I sometimes cheat. Boo me. But I aint a slacker. Anyway, as the test ended I found out that the people in front of me had a different set of questionnaire. I copied from some girl in front of me! Dammit. Karma works fast. Lesson learned though.

thanks a lot frank

2008-06-23T11:59:00.004+08:00

June 22
Sunday
At home- Malabon waterworld
Raining. Scratch that- All hell breaks loose

6:00 am

Woken up by a banging sound outside. Greatly irritated, I forced myself to take a look. Saw the trees swaying dangerously and the rain falling like a scene from Noah's Ark. Concluded that Frank has come.

6:03 am

Went back to sleep and pulled up my blanket.

10:15 am

Lola was screaming, "Yung salamin niyo nabasag! Hinangin!".

Woke up again. Rubbed my eyes and asked my mom why Lola kept shouting. Tried to go back to sleep but my Lola's voice was stuck in my head.

10:30 am

Went out to the veranda and saw our vanity mirror down on the floor. Shards of glasses were scattered. Thought to myself why it was outside in the first place. Remembered that my mom put it out for no apparent reason. Also thought that Frank got his first victim--our damn mirror.

10:45 am

Saw that our backyard was slowly getting flooded. Ignored the flood. Sweet-talked my cousin to make me a cup of coffee. My cousin obliged.

11:00 am

Enjoying the coffee while thinking about what to do for the rest of the day. Confirmed that my ate's party is cancelled for the time being.

11:17 am

Practiced my piece for AMP. Tried turning-on the fan but it wouldn't. Found out that there was no electricity. Damn meralco.

11:30 am

Getting really bored. Got a piece of paper then asked my 11-year old cousin to teach me how to make paper boats.

11:32 am

My cousin finished her demonstration. Grabbed the boat and went outside. Avoided my Lolo because he would give me a long sermon on paper clogging up our drain.

11:35 am

Made the boat float. Watched it go all over the way to the fishpond.

11:40 am

The boat was sinking.

11:50 am

On my fifth paper boat. Placed one of the boats on my sister's ugly doll to make a hat. Doll somehow looked cute but still ugly.

12:15 pm

Wondering when the rain would stop. Texted some blockmates to confirm the suspension of classes unfortunately, there was no news yet.

12:30 pm

Had lunch. Starting to worry about how to go to school and not getting stranded in Malabon.

12:35 pm

Noticed that our house was flooded. Nagged my mom to do something about the piano.

1:00 pm

Read a novel, Sayonara Bar. Laughed at the cat's name.

3:00 pm

Finished the book. Swore to myself that I would name my next cat or dog Mr. Bojangles.

3:10 pm

Went downstairs. Surprised at the splash I made. Turned out that the flood was worsening and that we suddenly had an indoor pool. All our things were on a table and my piano has hollow blocks beneath it.

3:15 pm

Decided to use my paper boats for entertainment. Got bored when the boats started sinking one by one. Texted a blockmate. Already in a verge of a misery rant.

3:30 pm

Realized that I was indeed bored and miserable. Decided to stop ranting. Asked my mom for a merienda. Enjoyed skyflakes with spanish sardines. Saw that some fish from our fishpond were escaping. Considered them as mindless bunch of ingrates. Calculated the money spent on fishfood and water. Tried putting myself in the fish's place, all trapped in the pond. Formulated the Fish Exodus Theory: after years of being trapped in the pond there will come a time when the heavens would hear the fish's prayer. Thus, rain will fall continuously. There will be a great flood that will rise above the fish prison making all the mindless ingrates escape.

Remembered that the Fish Exodus already happened five or six years ago because of a super typhoon. Thought that my school of fish and the rest of humanity were alike. Both are waiting for the day they would be saved.

4:00 pm

Took a bath. Got bored again. Began to doodle. Realized that I was having a headache because of the dim lighting. Stopped doodling.

5:00 pm

Finished resting my eyes. Went downstairs again. Flood was at its worst. Pool still inside the house. Found my three cousins monkeying around. Decided to join the monkeying.

6:00 pm

Started panicking on how to go to school. Texted another blockmate to vent out the frustration. Kept myself busy by making splashes and staring at the concentric circles of the ripples.

7:00 pm

At wits end. So bored. No electricity. No entertainment. Zilch.

7:30 pm

Had a quick dinner. Found out that I was getting accustomed to the dark.

8:30 pm

Went upstairs again. Slowly getting engulfed in the darkness. Tried finding a candle and a matchstick. Candle and matchstick found.

8:35 pm

Cleaned myself up.

9:00 pm

Slowly getting drowsy while staring at the candle. Prayed to God to suspend the classes. Found out that La Salle had their classes suspended. So unfair.

9:45 pm

Aling Edith was sweeping her frontyard with a walis ting-ting. Surprised when an unknown drunk man approached her. Drunk man kept saying in a sing-songy voice while clapping his hands, "May sunog! May sunog! Yeehee! May sunog!"

Aling Edith panicked and told all the neighbors about the fire. Neighbors went ballistic.

Unknown drunk man continued being unknown. Hmmmm...a person who appeared at nowhere rejoicing for a chaos then disappeared? Must be the devil. Creepy.

9:50 pm

Aling Rosie, together with the Paez army, kept screaming, "Sunog!!!".

9:55 pm

Mom went inside the room. Rousing me off my sleep to tell me that a fight must be happening outside, or so she thinks. Mom decided to investigate the matter a.k.a makichismis.

Curiosity pumped me up. Stared out the window as if staring would help me comprehend what the people were shouting. Thought to myself, "Bumabagyo na nga nagiinuman parin! Tindi!"

Assumed that the shouts were coming from drunk men who were having a brawl. Still kept listening. Caught a word from the shouts that sounded, "'Nog!".

10:10 pm

Mom charged in the room grabbing me and telling me that the next-door neighbor's house was on fire. Thought again, "Ahhhh...Sunog."

10:12 pm

Lola was panicking already. Ate was calling the firemen from Hulo and Bayan. Mom was already rushing to the gates. Went outside as an instruction from Lola. Heard the chaos of neighbors breaking the windows of the burning house. The firetruck siren added to the commotion.

10:15 pm

Been standing outside, cold and clueless. Contemplated on whether to panic or to just stay calm. Decided on remaining indifferent. My legs were shaking, however, because of the adrenaline rush. Figured out that texting my blockmates would keep my mind off the riot. Also thought about what things I should bring in case our house burns also.

10:17 pm

My cousins arrived. Asked me why our Lola suddenly demanded for their presence in the main house terrace. Told them Lola was getting hysterical because there's a sunog.

Cousins said, "Ohhhhh...". Their expressions didn't change at all, still bored even with the commotion of the fire.

10:20 pm

Considered asking one of my cousins to teach me the deadpan look. Found out that the burning house was REALLY NEXT DOOR.

10:30 pm

People started to relax after the bumberos splashed water everywhere. Still texted some blockmates. Concluded that I hated everything about Frank.

11:30 pm

Meralco finally gave in with the curses they were receiving from their clients. Yahoo! Electricity.

11:35 pm

House was a wreck

12:00 am

Waited for my sister to finish using my tita's laptop.

1:30 am

Typing away the events that happened in the name of Frank. Sorry for the gram errors. I'm tired.

high school drama

2008-06-21T19:29:00.003+08:00

Manila Day is around the corner. Most of my friends will have a day-off from college. In my school, it is considered a tradition for the alumni to visit their alma mater during Manila Day. It is like a reunion. Batchmates will see each other again. Their faces will glow as if ten years have already passed but in reality, it has only been three months since their paths separated. That is how much they miss each other. That is how much I miss them.

I miss high school. Before graduating, I said to myself that I won't have that mushy feeling of nostalgia. The heavens were against that idea though. The rains poured today while I was daydreaming. Pitter-patters resonated through the walls. As I sat there losing myself to the reverie triggered by the rain, memories of high school came flashing back. Slowly at first. But the faces of my friends and teachers came like the heavy downpour.

High school sucks and rules. The stuck-up teachers can really be really irritating but the way they care for you can make up for their stuck-iness. Recently, I realized that having someone to organize your schedule is better than being the one to choose what to do and what classes to take. If your schedule sucks in high school, you could blame the registrar but in college you could only blame yourself especially when you're rushing from PE class to Math class with only a 30-minute break that includes changing clothes and freshening-up.

Going back, as the rain fell, I remember the times when there would be a typhoon. While the streets were getting flooded and trees were close to being uprooted, I would still wake up early, wishing for the suspension of classes. Ironically as it was, the classes would get suspended after I get dressed-up, ready to go to school. There were also funny moments wherein everyone would already be in school. My classmates would cheer for the typhoon signal to go higher then we would look out the window and see the quadrangle flooded. The bricks would float and the quad would look like a dirty swimming pool. Our present teacher would be called by the principal's secretary. After five minutes, he would announce that we could all go home and sleep peacefully in the cold weather. We would shout our hearts out but only to realize that we're stranded inside the campus. It would be light years before we could figure out how to go home while not getting our socks soaked.

I still remember a lot of things that I once hated in high school but I now miss in college. I remember the routine of waking up early at 5:30 then having a light breakfast. I remember dozing-off in the bathroom, only to be woken up by the freezing water from the shower. I remember riding the tricycle to school while the billowing smoke from the jeepneys slap against my face, making my morning bath useless.

As I arrive to school, I would rush to our classroom. Sleepy faces of my classmates would greet me. I would get my things from my locker. I would always forget that I just trashed all my books inside the day before. The avalanche of notebooks, textbooks, pens, and papers would remind me of what I just did.

The SCC would ring the bell. All of us would rush to the roof deck then we would line-up. Our adviser would sometimes be late. In the span of time that she's not around, my classmates and I would have a chat about the latest gossip or we would ask if we could copy each other's homeworks. The line would straighten once we get a glimpse of our adviser's silhouette. The last bell would ring signifying the start of the morning ceremonies. Prayers, the National Anthem, and the St.James Hymn would be played. Even with the hundreds of students, few souls would sing and pray along. They're so few that you could count them with your fingers.

Everyday we pray the rosary. Sometimes the routine would take up five or ten minutes of the first subject's time. Most students sleep during the rosary. Others would just day dream. Bringing a rosary is required or else you'll get a disciplinary slip. I always brought mine but there were instances that I would lose my rosary because of the garbage can that's called my bag. During those times, I would beg my classmates for an extra rosary. Luckily, there were those who would bring an extra probably to save disorganized people like me.

Everyday I would spend nine hours in SJA. Sometimes I would give in extra hours for VOX and other activities caused by my career-driven life. In college, I would only spend half a day. My present schedule is fun and relaxing. I would always go home early and then finish whatever task is at hand. No extra-curricular activities for me. The opposite is happening now. I'm still adjusting but so far, I can't complain. I'm enjoying my college life. I'm having a good time with my new friends. I'm getting pumped-up by the challenges that I'm about to face. As of now, I'm in a state commonly known as "lie-low" or something that sounds like that. College is both exciting and frustrating because of the new culture, the new people, and this new ambition I have. I want to take things slow though. I want to feel every bit of experience college has to offer. As the saying goes it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

My routine might have changed but there are things which I do in high school that I have kept up in college. I still have my rosary with me. It's always inside my bag along with a hs friend's gift. It's part of my querencia, "a state of mind wherein you feel safe and comfortable, and where you can draw strength". We discussed that in EN 11. I don't pray my rosary though. But I know that by just bringing it, I will always be safe. Always will be.

bwisit

2008-06-19T21:36:00.000+08:00

Bobo. Tamad. Bobo. Halos mabaliw na ako sa mga salitang iyan na patuloy gumagambala sa utak ko. Nitong mga nakaraang linggo iniisip ko kung pano ako hindi makikick-out sa Ateneo. Alam ko namang tamad ako. Walang pasensya. At medyo slow. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung paano ako nakapasa sa Ateneo. Nag-eenie-meenie-minie-moe lang ako sa Math test at sa iba pang test na may kinalaman sa pagbilang ng mga numero. Medyo sinabaw pa nga ako sa English test. Hindi kinayanan ng powers ko.

Kahapon nagtest kami sa EN 11. Nageffort ako dun. As in super-mega-one-hundred-percent effort. Yung tipong binasa ko talaga ung dalawang essay at may highlight and underline effect pa. First time kong magganun. In fairness, fulfilling! So ayun, prepared na prepared ako. Mukha namang nakaramdam si Sir Elbert kaya nagbigay siya ng pop quiz. 5 items lang daw. Kaya ako naman, "Bring it on!"

Madali lang yung mga tanong. Syemre confident ako sa mga sagot ko. Natapos ang quiz at dumating ang checking. Iniabot ko sa weirdo kong katabi ung papel ko tapos sabay flip ng hair at umirap. Mayroon pala akong maling spelling. Yung Banderillero. Sagot ko Banderillo. Sablay. Bwisit. Kabanas. Sarap magpunit ng papel. Pero sabi naman ni Sir pwedeng inconsider yung mga maling spelling. Kung yung matador at yung bullfighter pinalampas niya. Banderillo pa kaya. Pero kung tutuusin napakamali talaga ng sagot ko AT ALAM DIN 'YON NG MAGALING KONG KATABI KAYA MINALIAN NIYA! Okay lang sakin na malian niya. Pinalampas ko na 'yun. Ang babaw ko naman kung magwala pa ko dahil lang sa Banderillo. Tangina. Ang retarded ko naman nun.

Next question, "What is the meaning of the root word of querencia in English?" Ayon dun sa essay, querer means the wanting place. So ayan sinagot ko. Wala nang may magrereklamo pa dahil in verbatim na yan. But nooooo! Minalian pa rin ni ever-so-wonderful seatmate! Nalaman ko lang yun nung pinasa niya na yung papel. Ni hindi ako binigyan ng chance na makapagreact at magreklamo sa mga pinaggagawa niya. Napanganga lang ako sa upuan ko at sabay sabi sa sarili ng, "BWISIT! AS IN BWISIT KA TALAGA! PANIRA KA NG ARAW!!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!" Shet. Kailangan kong magrelax Masyado yata akong napepressure. Ahahahahahahaha!

Kasunod ng EN11 ay Lit 13. Bad trip na ko nung mga oras na yun. Biglang naglaho ang good mood sa aking sistema. Para bang finlush sa kobeta ang kaninang roaring and ready-to-go na energy ko. Kumbaga sa commercial ng Enervon, ako yung lampang friend ni KC Concepcion na lagi niyang pinapahiya at laging nawawalan ng background music na "More energy mas happy!" kapag iniintroduce:
KC: Ganito ang energy ko pag nagsasayaw! (may kasabay na background music na "MORE ENERGY MAS HAPPY! MORE ENERGY MAS HAPPY!")
KC: At kapag si Andrea.....
Andrea: ....toot....toot...toot...
Kabanas talaga. As in naglaho. Nawala. Nagdisappearing act. POOF!

Hindi naman entirely masama ang araw ko. Masaya rin naman ang hiking papuntang LST caf. Pagdating nga lang namin dun eh may party daw. Parang wow mali lang. Kaya ayun. Sakay tryk. Punta ISO caf. Nangamoy ulam. Nagmuni-muni habang kumakain ang mga kablock.

Bumawi rin ako sa test sa BOWTANEE. Ang taray! Pumasa ako! For the the first time in the history of my Science classes! PASADO AKO! May silbi rin pala ang pagreview ng notes! Hahahahahaha! Sana laging ganyan. At sana ganyan din sa EN 11 at LIT 13. Pucha. Hindi pala ako EN 12. Nakakahiya. Akala ko pa naman genius ako sa English. O nga pala, THIS ISN'T HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE! Hindi na ikaw ang pinakamagaling.

Bahala na kung ano mangyari sa akin. Basta magpapakasipag na ako sa college. Pweeeeee! Ano ba yan?! Ahahahahahaha! We'll see...we'll see...

Ang sabaw ng post na 'to. Grabe.

first day...

2008-06-10T20:10:00.001+08:00

Wow. Kakaiba 'to ha. Halos araw-araw may blog post ako. Tama, tama. Keep the juices flowing. Creative juice ha hindi yung isa. Hehehehe....

Tinatamad akong mag-English kaya Tagalog muna since nag-Diagnostic test kami kanina sa Fil 11 at wala akong masagot na matino sa vocabulary. Ahahahaha... Ano ba kasi ang ibig-sabihin ng pumuga? Nung makita ko yun iba naisip ko. Hehehehe...

Ayos naman first day. Saya maglaro nung Korean games ni Sarah na brutal at nakakalito. Kailangan lahat ng games may hampasan. Grabe ah... Ganun ba talaga mga Koreano? Anyway, ngayon ko lang nalaman na Basic Math lang pala ako. MA 1. Honestly, ayos sakin yun. Para hindi ako bumagsak. Pero nung magbigay ng test eh parang kasing hirap lang ng buong 4th year Math namin. Doon ko napagtanto na napakabobo ko talaga sa Math. Just Kidding. Hindi, seryoso. Wala akong hilig sa pagbilang ng numero at pagkabisa ng mga formula. I write and I sometimes speak, but I never count. Shet. Ang corny.

Kung tutuusin masaya ang first day. Pwera nga lang sa pagpasok ko ng napakaaga. 8 ako nakarating sa school pero 9 pa ung class ko. Masyado yata akong excited. Hahaha. Joke lang. Baka abutan kasi ako ng traffic. Saka I want to start the year right. Di dapat late. Ok lang na gumising ng maaga dahil pwede naman matulog sa Math. Basta pag bumagsak ako...pag bumagsak ako....uhhhhhhh....hindi pwedeng bumagsak eh. Buti naman may tutor ako. Thank you, Sir Cruz. Ito na ang pangatlong taon mo na ililigtas ako sa Math.

Speaking of Math, may assignment kagad kami. Puro x raised to ek-ek, simplify the following radicals, and many more. My God! Sinasabaw na ko! Isa-isa lang! Kaya nga BASIC MATH dbah?! Oh the pains...

Haaayyyy...Anyway, to wrap this up, isa lang ang masasabi ko: astig ang first day! Haha!

arrrrggghhh...

2008-06-10T20:09:00.002+08:00

Tangina. Ayoko pa pumasok. College? Masyado pa yata akong bata. Pero hindi, kailangan. Kailangan. To redeem myself from a downfall. Ahahahahaha...Relax. Nababaliw na yata ako. Ganito ba talaga? Noong isang araw ko pang iniisip na baka makick-out ako. If that happens, they'll laugh. Hahahahaha! I'm smart. Right? If things won't work out you can always run. But that means you're a coward. Okay, focus... Why are you hesitating to soar high when you're given wings to fly? Relax..Breathe..You can't fly when tension is building up and pulling you down. Everything is gonna be all right. It always does, and it always will. Look on the brightside. Hahaha...Keep on laughing. Your laughter will make you hear the bells that will remind you of the good days. It will. Promise.

wrap up

2008-06-10T20:08:00.000+08:00

TNT. Explode. Erupt. Do the banana. Chuga all the way. Pacific Ring of Fire. Boom. Don't stop. Just shout. Cheer. Dance, dance, dance. Make friends. Smile. Say hi. Different people. Variety. Culture shock. A2. Strangers. Blockmates. Friends. First impressions. SOSS night. Cellphone numbers. Boring. Escape. Getting hyper. Dancing on a chair. Doing the papaya. Fabilioh. Go go blue and white. CAD rocked. OrSem Idol. Germany. Iceland. Deep voice. Wild hair. Group dynamics. Zap. Mamera. Poking. Hip hip, hooray. Doing the 300. Knowing a profession. Sun. Heat. Sweat. Campus Tour. Sitting on the grass. Photographs. Candid. One batch. Strike a pose. Getting ready. Jolibee. He ran, he surprised us. Getting to know whatever. Awkward moment. Silence. First backstab. Funny. Silly. Shocking. Rudy Fernandez. Nocturnal. Whaaattt??! Transit. Guidon. Magic. Heights. Animo shirt. I <3 A2. Orientation. Big Brother. Tracks. Nuts. Gossip Girl. Lesbo. 40-something orgs, nine clusters, one council. Sanggu Beast. Taft man. Passion. Joy. Formation. Always on the go. QC Marathon. Run, run, run. Faster. Keep up. Don't slow down. Lux in Domino. Light in the Lord. Light the World. Spread your wings. Soar high. The Ateneo way.

boom: explosion of disjointed nonsense

2008-06-10T20:07:00.001+08:00

I feel like vomiting for no apparent reason. Well, maybe there is. I haven't eaten well for the past three days because of our OrSem (which rocks by the way). I can't even bear to look at fastfood menus. Cheeseburgers, chicken joy, burger steak. Barf! I need some home-cooked meals.

OrSem was super fun. Super. That's all I can say. No need to add superlatives to describe the three-day shebang. My block is so cool! Whoooo! A2! It was nice to make new friends although at first I was reluctant since I'm not really the epitome of Ms. Congeniality. Funny though. If I was still in high school I would have ditched those orientations judging it to be boring. Maybe my school should hire those TNT's for whatever project they have in mind. That would be an upgrade.

This vomit-ey feeling is really ticking me off. Is it because of the coffee I had? Or is it because I can't wait to wind-up? Thank God I'll be meeting the Nerds tomorrow. High school reunions, even if only two months have passed, are always great. Nothing feels better than being with people you've known for years. Sheezz... I gotta stop now. This blog is getting crappy and sentimental.

i'm beat

2008-06-10T20:06:00.001+08:00

Those TNT"s can really beat the crap out of you. Dance this, run there, shout that. Tiring, yeah. But it's all fun. I love the simple yet funny dance routines they taught us. Banana is my favorite. Pacific Ring of Fire rocks too especially the "Boom" part although I'm not really a fan of swaying hips.

Day two was super. At first I thought my blockmates would be snobs but they're not. I guess I'm quick to judge but at least now, I know that they're easy to get along with. A2 is just plain cool.

As of now, I'm having a great time in Ateneo. I just wish that I wouldn't flunk and get kicked-out. My family will disown me, that's for sure. I'll try not to be a bitch anymore like I was in high school. I'll change. If Jelyn can do it, so can I. She's like Demz--- (Arrgghhh...I gotta stop that trash talk). Anyway, I can no longer continue writing. I'm beat. Need to relax now.

so far, so good

2008-06-04T16:21:00.004+08:00

We just had our Guidance Testing today. I've been with my block, block A2. The people there...well I cannot give a full description about them yet but I think my block isn't composed of your usual snobs. Tamang timpla lang siguro. I've met two people so far. Bianca from De La Salle-Zobel and Andrea from ICA. I don't really know them well but I think they are both nice.

I'm not really sure if I'm gonna make a barkada there. I'm not good in making friends easily. I gotta blame my "suplada" image for that. Also, I want to try something socially different like a solitary adventure. That, however, won't work for group projects and I have to admit, I don't want to be a loner. Anyway, the temperature in Ateneo was hellish. Literally hellish. I guess the administration is so bent on the fresh air part. I just hope some of my classes would be in rooms which have air-conditioning.

My schedule is a bit crappy for someone who resides in Malabon. My first class for MWF will start at 7:30 am. Oh God. I guess I have to wake up at five and leave before six. This is so like high school. The T-Th sked is bearable though. P.E would be my first class for 9am. Speaking of which, my P.E. is hardcore! Taekwondo! The slots for Badminton were full by the time I started enlisting my classes. But TKD will do since I already have a background there. An unproductive high-yellow belt.

Guidance Testing was boring. I hate the story-telling part. My hands hurt big time. We were tasked to create a story from different pictures. My stories came out dark and pessimistic. I want someone to be killed in one of the stories but I stopped myself just so the Guidance Center wouldn't think of me as a nutjob. As I said, so far, so good. I'm still adjusting though.

Two days in Ateneo had me missing the Nerds more and more...

jaded

2008-05-30T23:17:00.007+08:00

Every waking hour is hell to me. I close my eyes but Mr. Sandman wouldn't grant me any sleep. For three or four hours, my eyes would be wide open. There are no more cicadas and crickets in where I live though. Urbanity drove them away. I could only hear the roar of evening motorcycles. Their "harurot" driving me insane.

I will get ready for bed at 1 am but as cruel as it can be, my insomnia will only let me sleep when the clock strikes 4 or 5. I will trash and turn during those hours. Bored out of my wits. Wanting only to doze off and wake up in the morning.

When I finally sleep, I would dream of things. Random, disjointed images and voices. My dreams are not nightmares. Just bad, meaningless dreams. Dreams I would forget when I wake up as if I never slept at all.

It would be afternoon when my mom would scream at me to get up. 1pm exactly. I would feel really disoriented as I throw the covers imprisoning me in my bed. I would get a cup of coffee afterwards and sip the frothy expanse. While staring across the space of our living room, I would say to myself that this day would be like any other day. A day dried up by the heat of the summer.

The night would follow eventually. And my routine of insomnia would haunt me again. Alone, sleepless, and jaded with the monotony, I would pray to God this wish to let me run free in the dark streets and feel the night's cold breeze gently brushing my face.

good riddance, summer.

2008-05-26T23:25:00.007+08:00

It has been lightyears since I've written a decent blog post. The recent one (visit my multiply) was without a doubt, crappy. My grammar is all messed-up and my creative juice just went dry. In short, my writing skill disappeared like poof! I only have two weeks before classes start. I still have no schedule. I still don't know who my classmates are. I hope they're not the stereotype conyos and sosyaleras. Something just throws me off about those certain species. Unfortunately, I'm not one to play God who'll decide over everything.

Summer is almost over (Damn, that phrase is so cliché) and I haven't changed a bit. I haven't got any enhancements for my body while some of my batchmates had their hair colored in the instant they stepped out of high school. I still look like the same old me. No 'physical' changes here. However, I did have some realizations. If you want to know then finish reading this blog:

Doing nothing results to forgetting
I never knew that idleness could make you stupid. Take me for example. I could barely write this blog. I need to refer to a dictionary because I forgot the meaning and usage of some words. Give me a test and I'll fail it. Promise. I already forgot the lessons I learned in school such as algebraic formulas, Subject-Verb Agreement, and etc. Wait a sec, aren't we supposed to forget those stuff? I mean, these are things you send away to oblivion, right?

I'm still childish and immature
What I've been doing all throughout the summer is watching cartoons and animes. Instead of preparing for college and finishing the five books I bought in Powerbooks, I went back to my gradeschool self. Back in my elementary days, I was an anime geek and I think I still am although not that fanatic. Maybe being a kid at heart is not that bad but I really need to finish those novels or else it's all just a waste of money.

No uniform in college is complicated
Last week my dad gave me cash to buy clothes for college. I was so excited to spend, spend, spend! But as I set foot in the mall I forgot my organized shopping plan. I kept asking myself what clothes to buy and how may clothes I need. Also, the shoes became a problem for me. Ateneo suddenly issued a dress code this year. Rubber slippers are a no-no inside the campus as well as skimpy attires. So goodbye Havaianas and Ipanema. I really don't care about skimpy attires 'coz I'm not really fond of wearing one. Starting this school-year, my feet should get accustomed to sandals, flats, and.....other footwear except rubber slippers. High school was so much easier. All you need to do is to buy a simple mary jane that won't exceed 1 1/2 in.

Piano lessons can be taxing
I've been attending piano lessons since the beginning of May. It was a way to promote my grade two classical pianist status to grade three. I don't want my grade two status to be like my nine-year grade one. Piano lessons are fun especially when you get to learn beautiful pieces through hard work. However, technical lessons like Czerny and Hanon make my fingers hurt. But what I really hate are recitals. I hate playing for other people. I play for myself. Plus, I don't like being pressured to memorize a piece and not screw-up. Sucks for me, I always screw-up in recitals. My fingers just won't cooperate with my mind. Just this week, I backed-out from my June 8 recital. I have things to do and I'll be busy starting June 3. I don't want this recital to be like the one I had when I was 8 or 9 years old. That was the mess that started my hatred over recitals. It was purely traumatizing that the recent St. Cecilia recital became a disaster.

TBC.....

Of Random Incoherent Things

2008-04-11T21:57:00.008+08:00

Of my "Things to do before I die" list

I was chatting with my friend when I noticed she was having a grumpy mood due to unknown reasons. I think she's having a PMS or she's just in her manang mode. Either way, I was kinda pissed when she almost filled our conversation with Ah's, OK's, and other monosyllabic nonsense. It was a blow on my inflatable ego because I kept chatting away in an unusual bubbly mood while being ignored. Insulted? Sorta. Peace to you know who you are.

Since our conversation was going nowhere I decided that I should do something else. And then the most idiotic thought popped in my head: I should make a "Things to do before I die" list! I find it silly yet engaging. What if I get diagnosed with AIDS or Leukemia? At least I would be prepared. Just kidding. I don't see any reason for me to acquire AIDS.

So far, my list ranges from materialistic goals to stupid ambitions like entering Hogwarts School of Wizardry and killing my enemies Beatrix Kiddo style. It's fun though. I suggest you guys try it.

Of saying goodbye to Ms. EIC

Someone's in and I'm out! I don't know who that someone is but I'm betting she will be a she instead of a he. We just conducted the VOX interview for aspiring editors and it was so disorganized. Ms. Jown is being a scatterbrain because of issues. I was only tasked to be a facilitator but instead I unexpectedly got promoted to be the head organizer. The same goes to my other VOX mates. I thought the interview was supposed to feel like hell for the applicants only but unfortunately, running up and down the stairs confirming schedules was our sad fate.

Speaking of sadness, am I sad that in the next three or four days my title as the boss will be given to someone else? Someone younger (hey I'm not that old!), someone fresh-looking that after a year or so she would be so stressed that she would acquire dark circles under her eyes? Nah. I'm not THAT sad. Actually, I'm relieved that my job is done. No more late night press works and endless cups of coffee. No more big fat publishers to ruin my day. I'm gonna miss the rush though, the pressure of deadlines that somehow pumps my creative juice. I'm gonna miss the oh-really-you-are-the-EIC response from people who ask whatever it is that I'm doing in school. I'm gonna miss my VOX mates and the Powerpuff Girls who shared over-caffeinated moments with me. That's it. No more dramz. No more writing in college for me!

Of my new prospect

I have a new prospect. He's cute. Really. The fact that he is tisoy made it even more better. However, what made it suck is also another fact: he is already taken. And another fact: I only saw him in a picture, a picture of him with his S.O. Am I gonna be a manunulot? Hell no. I have some dignity. Plus, I never saw him, never heard his voice, never knew what he's thinking, never measured his height, NEVER SAW HIM IN PERSONAL. Just his picture. I AM SO SHALLOW.
I had a crush on him for four days. Four days only. In that four stupid days, my YM account had silly stats which say: "I'm gonna get you." and after realizing there's no hope, "Dammit! I can't get you!"

I never felt so stupid and shallow.

Of going blue instead of green

During my sophomore year, I had this goal that I would go and study in DLSU because I want to graduate at the age of nineteen. Also, because the course that I wanted was there, Organizational Communication. Having seen my sister bust her ass every now and then with barely enough sleep, I got cold feet.

Senior year came and I need to take college exams and pass it. On January 3 (or was it 2?), I received a text message from Pija that Clarice told her the results of the DLSU exmas were already posted on the internet. I had been sitting comfortably in our car while on our way to Trinoma, after receiving the message, I started having cold sweats and I kept fidgeting. Linkin Park's Shadow of the Day was playing. The song matched the intense ambience. To go to La Salle was my dream. Failing the exam would be the downfall of my sweet plan to graduate early and get a freaking job with a high-paying salary! Luckily, I passed!

After two days Jelyn told me that the Ateneo exam results were out. I didn't care at first because I know deep inside that I screwed up my exam. Johanne and Jelyn, however, were paranoid. It was Ateneo for them.

Jelyn texted me that she passed. Oh well, that's Demz. Genius in disguise but a bitch obviously. No harsh feelings, Demz. Long live the B Community.

Anyway, I tried getting the results in the internet At first, I thought that I didn't pass because my name didn't appear in Ateneo's website. While telling my mom and accepting the fact that my sister passed during her time and I didn't, I finally got hold of this multiply site that had the pictures of the list of the actual passers. My name was there. I was shocked. I had no idea what to tell people because I already spread the message that I flunked the ACET.

I had a hard time deciding where to go. La Salle was my dream but Ateneo was something else. The deadline of confirmation of both schools was drawing near and I need to decide quick. I was also busy with the last issue of VOX so I barely had time to think about this life changing move. It was April 4 when I absent-mindedly told my mom that I would be confirming my slot in Ateneo. Next thing I know, I was at ADMU's Office of Admissions confirming my slot with two conyos who would probably be my blockmates for four years. When I got home, I just sat on our sofa saying to myself, "What the hell was I doing in Ateneo?!"

Damn those heavenly signs! Wait a sec, cars with Ateneo stickers which suddenly overtake yours while praying to God to help you decide are considered signs, right?

I always imagined myself strolling in the busy street of Taft. I never saw myself enjoying the greenery of Loyola Heights. I hate to admit it, but anxiety is killing me. I'm literally a loner in Ateneo. No friends, no acquiantances. I want to be blue but not blue in an emotional way.

I guess one needs to sacrifice to achieve greatness. This wouldn't be happening if I wasn't so ambitious.

still icy even in coffee

2008-04-05T23:34:00.005+08:00

You're an iced coffee w/ whipped cream!
You've got a sweet, perky personality. You're optimistic, so if something goes wrong, you don't let it get you down for long. You probably use lots of emoticons and exclamation points to express yourself, because plain text just doesn't convey just how cheerful you are. You're the kind of person who's refreshing to be around -- especially on a hot summer day.

And I say....

WTF?! Icy is okay but sweet! Come on! I like iced-coffee but I am not this sweet, perky person for crying out loud! Where's my latté anyway??

1237B

2008-03-19T17:27:00.004+08:00

In the scorching heat of Maundy Wednesday, I forced myself to ride the LRT because my mom insisted that I should try to commute from Malabon to Ateneo. She wanted me to experience an ordinary college student's routine. Also, she wanted me to make up my mind on what university I'll be entering by making me realize the tedious journey I have to go through before reaching Ateneo.

I was starting to hate the day because of the unbearable heat and the rude rush hour crowd. Reeking of smoke and sweat, I rode the chilly LRT train and grabbed a seat with my mom and sister. Ten or twelve people, women actually, were only there with us. I was a bit surprised by the mysterious disappearance of the LRT mob.

Slumped comfortably in my seat, I noticed this poster with a Spanish poem translated in Tagalog. The poem somehow interpreted the poster's background of a man waiting in a train station. Since I can barely speak and understand Spanish, I focused on the translation. The poem was beautiful and dramatic. However, it wasn't like those cheesy and flowery Spanish poems. The poster, on the other hand, was an advertisement of Instituto Cervantes de Manila: Berso sa Metro. It had this silly tagline that says, "Español, malapit sa ating kultura. Just a station away.”

As for my futile attempt to be well-versed, I spent my time in the LRT memorizing the poem even if the ladies there were giving me a weird look. Luckily, I was able to control myself from taking a picture of the poster.

As I got home, I surfed the internet to find the poem's title. I already knew the author, Luis Garcia Montero, and the collection, Granada, so the search was just breezy.

For you people who wasted time reading this post, here's the poem:

DEDICATORIA
Luis Garcia Montero, Granada, 1961

Si alguna vez la vida te maltrata,
Kung sakaling malupit sa iyo ang kapalaran,
acuérdate de mí,
alalahanin mo ako,
que no puede cansarse de esperar
dahil hndi mapapagod sa paghihintay
aquel que no se cansa de mirarte.
itong walang sawang tumitingin sa iyo.

Hope you guys can appreciate it.

probably my last encounter with Mother B

2008-03-13T21:01:00.007+08:00

Mother B was extremely friendly to me this morning. She was almost.....motherly. (Go figure) I was really surprised when she approached me―no, scratch that. I was stunned when she pulled me towards her and began to sweet talk for reasons which I wasn't aware of. It appeared as if she was......my mother!

It all started when Clarice and I went to look for Jown. Unfortunately, Jown, being flighty and disoriented, was nowhere to be found in the campus. We went upstairs to the faculty and while doing so, Mother B was there, at the other end of the stairs. She was chatting with Spirits and then she saw me. She suddenly blurted out that her day was ruined just because of my presence. (What a B!) I got all dramatic when I told her that her comment was so hurtful. Well, we're both aware that I was just joking.

Just so you know, Mother B and I had a little misunderstanding about my "attitude problem". In her opinion, I was a freaking maldita who always rolls her eyes and makes faces. Too bad coz I'm damn proud of being one! She even considered me and my friends as niggards for being talkative. The niggard issue really blew up my fuse. As far as I'm concerned, I sleep at her classes! Therefore, how can I talk and sleep at the same time?!

According to Mother B, I changed a lot. I used to be her student-mentor for Geometry but now I get zeroes for my quiz scores. I really hate fourth-year Math. Geometry rocks, Algebra sucks. I'm guilty for being a disappointment but I can't force myself to like the concepts of Math.

Anyway, as Mother B cornered me, she put her arm around my shoulder and told me to smile more often and not be a "suplada". It was altogether weird because first of all, I'm not a touchy-feely person. I don't like people hugging me or being too close in a dramatic way. In short, I hate mushy moments.

So I guess Mother B and I are now cool again. Thank God. I don't want to end my high school life with grievances. Plus, she would be leaving also for a career-wise decision. I think it's better to have a proper closure for everything. Believe it or not, I'm gonna miss Mother B and all her corny jokes.

crappy days III (too mad to make a decent blog)

2008-03-10T18:19:00.005+08:00

Drama, drama, drama. Recollections are so full of drama especially when the recollection masters are two cheesy sweethearts who came from God knows where. I really hate their lousy gimmicks and endless blabbering. Family this, family that. I already love my family, thank-you-very-much!

I'm really grateful that my mom found it all too corny. She kept muttering that the speakers and the school organist sucked big time. She said that the organist was not that good because he was just a widow and not a classical pianist. I never knew that my mom was that mean. Well, she has a right to trash that fat organist since mi mama finished Grade 4 Classical Piano and she spent 21 years being one of the organists in our Church. I don't mean to brag, but my mom is just freaking great!

Let's skip the details about our Recollection! It was basically your usual dramz and all that shiz. (wow, that was very perezhilton of me) Anyway, let's now go to the HOAX. A certain person kept bugging me and my VOX mates to make this article. La Hoax told us that a teacher asked us to do it because of our being writers. My VOX mates and I were cool with the idea until we learned that La Hoax was really the one who was assigned with the article. AND LA HOAX TOLD THE TEACHER THAT SHE WAS THE ONE WHO'S GONNA DO IT! AND LA HOAX DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL US!

Unfortunately for La Hoax, we were just too smart. The teacher was surprised when we told her that we were the ones who made the article. Ladidaaaa! She spilled that La Hoax assured her that the article SHE MADE was with us and therefore we would just hand it over. WTF?! NEVER EVER TRY TO STEAL OUR IDEAS AND OUR CREATIVE JUICES AGAIN! Arrrgghh!! I am soooo pissed-off!

(to be continued.......wait for "Vigbut's assembly and the euphemism story")

nostalgia

2008-03-09T20:55:00.012+08:00

While waiting for my sister to calm down from her weekend morning fits, my lolo gave me this dirty sheet of paper and forced me to read whatever that was written there. I made a great deal of effort to decipher the words because the paper was already yellowish and there were splotches all over. After a minute or so, I realized that it was this article I've written for my autobiography/scrapbook project in English when I was a sixth grader . It was about my expectations in high school. I tried so hard to stop smiling because reading it made me realize that after four years in high school, I changed a lot and I changed for the better.

This was the article: (please do not laugh at my errors, I was just a stupid sixth grader then)

My Expectations in High School

Since I will be a high school student this coming school year, I expect many things to happen.

I expect to meet interesting people who will be a good influence to me. I also expect teachers will teach us well and share their thoughts to us openly.

I expect that high school life will be more exciting and challenging!

In high school, I shall be more active in extra-curricular activities, as well in the classroom. I will try my best to be smarter and not to be shy because I want to overcome my shyness. I shall be joining many activities in and outside the classroom. I will be more open to my friends and others about my feelings and ideas so that there will be no more hidden agendas or secrets among us. In high school, I will try to avoid the mistakes I made in grade school. When I was corny and didn't mind what others may think of me.

For that, I will change my attitude. But never will I forget the memories of grade school life.

Come to think of it, I did achieve my objectives. I joined activities which I couldn't imagine joining in grade school. I became an EIC when back then I had no clue about writing. Teachers and students knew who I was and what I could do. Bottom line is, I'm through with being a wall flower.

As for my social life, I met interesting people in high school's diversity. I met my barkada who in spite of their wild lifestyle did not make me forget that there is more to high school life than teenage freedom. However, in meeting different people, I found out that the wayward path is truly inevitable. The cool crowd will not be considered cool forever. Their alcohol binges, bullying, and vices won't help them in college and in reality. Their popularity will just stay within the walls of the school. The corridor may have been their territory but real life will never give them a chance to reign in their superficial world. After ten or twenty years, the time for reunion, their faces wouldn't possess that haughty look anymore because they have nothing to boast about except for their memories of pretending to be kings and queens.

My last year in high school gave me the opportunity to meet the often misunderstood people. The Nerds. They said Nerds are only good when it comes to books. Unfortunately, we proved them wrong. I'm really thankful that I became part of the Nerds. We defied all odds and we set a new standard for cream sections when we won tons of contests. Those contests were not only about smart stuff. The entire school was surprised when we reigned supreme in dance competitions and also when we became the over-all intramurals champion. Too bad for the bitter losers, since they were expecting us to just sit in a corner and read. It isn't because we're great. It's because we work hard for everything we do and oh yeah....WE ARE NERDS.

My last objective, however, is something I'm proud I didn't accomplish. Maybe during my sophomore years I considered what other people think of me as something important. I used to think that to be smart or to be a nerd is to be part of the lame crowd. Thank God I AM that smart to delve into that thought more deeply, otherwise I'll be nothing more than Ms. Superficial.

Being a nerd helped me to go beyond high school conformity. Now, I don't give a damn about parties which run on alcohol or risky acts done for the sake of thrill. I believe that in simple gatherings such as bonding in fastfood restaurants, chatting all day long, and enjoying tough dance practices, a person can definitely cherish high school life. This different kind of fun strengthens and gives importance to friendship rather than to coolness because with friendship, ordinary moments turn into lasting memories.

I would probably need these memories to survive college. Green or blue, it doesn't really matter. Either way, I'll be alone. Four years ago I've written down my expectations in high school. After four years in this jungle, I can say that everything was worth it. As for my expectations in college, I still do not know. College becomes more of a blurry image while high school becomes more and more vivid that I think a time would come when each face, place, and memory would never leave my head.

political rants

2008-03-01T15:16:00.018+08:00

I am a sixteen year-old girl living in a country wherein actors turn into politicians and politicians turn into actors. In my sixteen-year stay in this telenovela of a country, I have seen almost everything, from an action star president ruining a ruined nation to a religious community dipping their holy hands in the dirty world of politics. Everything, I tell you, except for the only thing all the people have wanted ever since:

Change.

Lately, another ruckus has started which set the whole country on fire. The media went into a frenzy while the administration kept its passive mask. An overly dramatic Chinese guy has been turning the local channels into an endless telenovela like Marimar. According to him, he has been receiving death threats from unknown goons and he knows the secrets of the scandalous ZTE deal. The ZTE is a billion peso business deal between a Chinese company and a greedy government figure who cannot be pinpointed in spite of all the Senate investigations. People said that the president's fat husband and the former COMELEC chairman are behind all these brouhahas. As for the Chinese guy, everyone is involved. He already mentioned a lot of names like the famous TV anchor with an annoying accent and the president's Golden Boy. So many names given but still, this issue only comes down to one objective:

To make another president step down.

However, the president who is dubbed as the "luckiest bitch" is keeping her cool. Even if all her enemies rallied up and down Manila's streets, she still does not care. As for an ordinary citizen like me, I am so impressed! She runs this government like a professional assassin, leaving no traces of her dirty job and wiping fingerprints off hard evidences that would get her impeached. My soon-to-be politician friend once told me that the president doesn't give a damn about the numerous opposition members in the Senate because in case there's another impeachment bill or any bill that spells trouble, it won't reach the Senate because majority of the members in the Congress are from the administration's side. In short, any opposition-friendly bill will be shot down in the Congress before it reaches the Senate. What did I tell you? Pure genius! Just one of the perks for being smart and cynical:

What the president wants, the president gets.

That's how she rolls.

For the hoi polloi, each issue is just an episode of the nation's drama. Rallies here, rallies there. It really doesn't matter if the rally organizers do not have any money to spare. I know it would surprise you, but the masses make a business out of these demonstrations. Organizers give out money to those who want to join. In case you're wondering why, well, the logic behind the rally biz is enough to be explained in two words:

Bandwagon propaganda

The efforts of the people to change our ruler are really futile. First of all, their leaders are not that even credible. Pingky is a murderer and a dictator in the making. Chiz the Whiz made a career out of lambasting the administration's flaws but as for him, he didn't even pass a single bill in his three or two terms in the Congress. The same goes to that gayface, dual-citizen senator. Meanwhile, Mr. Former President-slash-Action-Star is blabbing about destroying corruption in the government while ironically, he was booted out of the Palace because of using the nation's money for his mansions, dozen wives, and escapades in the Casino.

Leaders, eh? I'd rather give my thumbs-up to the "luckiest bitch". At least she knows what she's doing unlike these hypocrites! Plus, she's a member of the B community! More importantly, she supplies our government with a healthy dose of cynicism!

Sigh. So much drama in such a small country. Why not migrate to the land of milk and honey? And then what? Have a taste of the American Dream? No thanks. I won't finish high school and college to be a caregiver or a DH. To be a nurse is not even in my list. Nurses today are rich with money but poor in glory. No offense. But I am set on following my dream and not society's. It's best to do what you want because at the end of the day, you'll know that you also need it.

Ho-hum. I guess it's time to finish my political rant even if my country's story seems to have neither an end nor even a denouement. As for my final words for this motherland of amnesiacs, hypocrites, posers, and rebels:

Long live the Philippines!

Long live the tragedy!

and I quote:

2008-02-27T21:57:00.005+08:00

At last I'm finished with my thesis. I really don't care if it sucks or not. I just want to be done with it so I can relax. Right now, I'm doing nothing. Pretty weird 'coz in the past few days, as I'll quote from Sandra, "I was a bee." Well, she is still a bee, and according to Lyka, she is the flower. All I can say is, as stated by Zee the other day, "Say no to /"

Hmmmmm... what a crappy post.

user-mode

2008-02-25T21:32:00.003+08:00

I have been in the user-mode these past few days. I think I already asked five or seven classmates to print my thesis and project papers because my freaking laptop got reformatted due to an annoying virus called Brontok. User much? Yeah, I'm currently the printer-less pobre in this drama.

I really need to install my printer 'coz it's really tiring to find people to "use" and to be a "user". (No negative connotations please) Also, my thesis is due this Friday and I think no one would like to print a 30-page study full of crap about VOX.

I asked Geraldine a while ago if she thinks that I'm a user. She said no. Well, who wants to argue with the Super Nerd? I guess Demz would. Haha. Long live the B community.

mother B is bitter

2008-02-20T19:21:00.003+08:00

BITTER.

One word to describe people who dwell on hostility and bitchy moods. It was just this week when Demz and I found out that there was someone bitchier than us. Scratch that. We already found the Mother of all Bitches in the body of an anemic with paint-brushed eyebrows.

I used to think MotherB was okay. A bit weird but tolerable. As of now, I can't wait to slash her throat like Sweeney Todd. Just kidding. I'm not that morbid. But I guess you can see the picture. (insert evil laugh)

Will I say sorry? I don't think so. Why ask for forgiveness if you haven't done something wrong? Lethargy is human nature while Humility is not considered a virtue when you let people treat you like trash.

"Fine by me, I'd rather be a bitch than a doormat."-Jessica Zafra

just like I dreamed it. wahahahaha!

2008-01-24T20:55:00.003+08:00

Having minimal complications is such an unusual chapter in my "sweet" life. After being depressed because of tragedies such as the RSSPC Oops, Enigma Disaster, and VOX Watevs, I can pretty much say that I am so freaking happy right now. I really thought that my last year in high school would be full unglorifying personal moments. As I said in my previous blog, Oops and Another Oops, "I join a contest and then I lose. It's just like eating and then defecating."

I'm really thankful that I'm one of the Nerds. Thinking of all our victories and remebering every dance put a smile in my face whenever I get depressed because of my tragic journalism career and screwed up piano recitals. It feels so good to belong to the Nerdy Bunch (name courtesy of Karmelene Lara a.k.a Youngblood).

All my losses last year were replaced by a lot of personal victories. My year started off by having passed college entrance tests: La Salle, Ateneo, UST, and UP LB. Then when I almost thought that the journalist in me was going nowhere, I won awards in the recently held MAPSA contest. I was surprised that I made 7th in the Copyreading and Headline Writing category, but I kinda expected to win in the Editorial Writing because I took that contest seriously. And yay to me! I won 3rd place! But for our school newspaper to be named the Best School Publication (English) was the zenith. I thought I was dreaming when our newspaper sections got 1st and 2nd place awards and when we were hailed as the over-all champion for the individual points. I was so close to jumping from joy when we received our plaque, plates, and medals.

I hope that no more nightmares like that friggin' RSSPC Oops would destroy my happy disposition. That experience traumatized me in a way that I doubted every good thing that came my way. Well, I really wish I could forget about that.

As a conclusion, this is probably the best school year ever. With all happy moments and victories I get to pray a lot when back then I'm your usual heartless *insert whatever description*. I already ended almost three of my blogs with "Thank God" but the count doesn't matter because I'm going to thank God over and over again.

oh wow...

2008-01-05T18:38:00.001+08:00

I passed in Ateneo?? Still can't believe it when my name appeared in the pic taken by Jelyn's acquaintance. It was a picture of the ACET results posts. I thought my eyes were tricking me as I saw my name in the blurry photograph. But there it was:

Sibucao, Bernice Marie Santos, A, AB-COM

What a start for this year! Thank you God again!

check out the link:

http://mycadaver.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/14/91?xurl=%2Fphotos%2Fphoto%2F14%2F91
http://mycadaver.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/14/43?xurl=%2Fphotos%2Fphoto%2F14%2F43
http://mycadaver.multiply.com/

Thank God! (and I mean it)

2008-01-04T20:46:00.002+08:00

I passed in La Salle! Thank God! Yey! AB-OCM, first choice! Anxiety suddenly attacked me after reading Pija's text message that La Salle already have the exam results in the internet. My heart began to pound and my palms started to sweat at that moment. I couldn't wait to get home and check the website but I was stuck in our car while waiting for my sister in The Block for her dental x-ray. I had visions of myself not passing La Salle and ending up in some shitty school. But all is well now! What a breather! Thank God again!

new year, eh?

2008-01-01T20:15:00.001+08:00

So far I've been pigging out for the past school-free, stress-free days. I think I gained a few pounds for shoving chocolates into my mouth and a whole load of other treats. I don't really care about my weight. The Bible, after all, said, "Eat and be merry." (or something like that)

Today is January 1, 2008 and I'm just bored rather than ecstatic for having a new year full of surprises. Well I just hope that those surprises wouldn't be a slap in the face like failing all college entrance exams. My new year's celebration, however, was rather lame. Our grandma got all paranoid about having our fingers cut-off because of firecrackers, which in her point of view are dynamites and TNT. She even banned lusis in our home. They're just freaking sparklers for chrissake! So instead of enjoying the new year with a much anticipated fireworks display we just lost ourselves in the Media Noche feast and wine.

An hour before midnight Cinemax played one of my favorite movies, Cruel Intentions. As Sebastian was about get run over by a car the channel's signal suddenly went out, leaving me to face a static TV set. After surfing other channels then checking Cinemax, I finally accepted the truth that I won't be able to finish the movie. I was bummed even if I already watched Cruel Intentions for like ten times. Ten times of watching Sarah Michelle Gellar or Kathryn with that guilty look for being such a coke whore while being led outside Manchester Prep by the school officials.

It was already five minutes to 12 am and my family was still bent on the idea that we should celebrate new year quietly and peacefully. I was expecting my cousins to at least have some party poppers but I learned they followed Grandma's rules and their dad was too drunk to buy anything. Oh well, sucks to be me.

Happy New Year anyway. I wonder what's in store for me in 2008?

that's tragic: the making of VOX xmas ish

2007-12-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

I broke my promise that I won't write a blog in multiply. But this brouhaha is so funny for me to let it pass!

December something (I couldn't count nor even remember the days because I was too tired from not sleeping):

Ivan, Clarice, and I were killing ourselves from exhaustion because we were rushing the Christmas issue of VOX. We're not irresponsible, mind you. The school had so many activities and yes, cramming was just our style. Maybe my style but then again, cramming is a common sickness to all students. Well, except Guarin. But who knows?!

Anyway, back to the issue.

We were too bangag becuase of our over-caffeinated system and too cranky from lack of sleep. Thousands of words filled the compuer screen as our eyes searched for grammatical and typographical errors. We thought we were successful in correcting even the smallest detail of error: turning is to was in the News section and Vladimir to Ferdinand in the Sports section. Alas, we were finished! We marveled at our one-week-in-the-making issue, especially the cover which was a product of our freaking creativity!

After taking the week's first goodnight sleep, Ivan and I rushed to the printing press. There we saw again Margot, our larger and louder than life publisher. She's a nice lady but publishing a newspaper can sometimes bring out the worst in you. We dropped the CD containing the issue of VOX and after 2 hours or so of checking missing pictures and inevitable errors, off we go to the provincial road of Tanz(s)a then back home to the comfort of our sofa and tv set! Ultimate relaxation after a hellish week!

Ms. Margot somehow broke the relaxation. She went to school to inform us about some complications. These complications were only minimal, thank God for that! It only took few mouse clicks then all was set for publishing!

Christmas party came and Ms. Jown was missing in action. The errand boy of Ms. Margot was making me sign papers, saying it was just for formalities so I could have the thousand copies of VOX. I was desperate to get the friggin' release done so I just signed away. Mr. Puig told Neil that Ms. Jown was sick so I was relieved that I did the right thing. Nevertheless, VOX must be released with or without Ms. Jown!

Joseph brought us the food cart the Canteen people used becuase we couldn't find any cart to put all the issues. We ended up looking like we were selling VOX issues rather than giving them away. It was so embarrassing yet so funny as we pushed the cart down the first year hallway then to different offices. That incident would definitely be part of my "VOX Humiliating yet so Freaking Funny Moments Collection".

But this one is definitely number one! Here I am now typing away this craziness. A while ago I was chatting with Clarice when she told me about the biggest error in the Christmas ish. An error too mortifying and too retarded for me to be able to miss it. But I know that the coffee, lack of sleep, and cramming made me overlook it. As I turned to that dreaded page I expected myself to blow up a fuse and scream. But I ended up laughing my socks off.

I don't know if I should post the error, but isn't it the whole point of the blog? So here it goes:

(verbatim from the news of the year, you guys find the page)

"St. James Academy High school students partcipated in PCPGE (pakihanap na lang yung meaning) Eco-week event with theme........"

Wahahaha! Oh my God! This is sooo rich and definitely unforgettable! The best blooper of my three-year stay in VOX!

So much for our Xmas ish. It was a good ish especially the Lathalain section. Lots of nights and coffee sacrificed for it. I'm still proud of this issue even with the error. After all, you can't create a perfect newspaper or magazine.

Two more issues then I'm done and ready to pass the throne to the next aspiring EIC!

effects of the UB syndrome: i want to burn a christmas tree

2007-12-24T14:43:00.001+08:00

Traaalalalalaaa...

I'm beginning to hate life.

Why?

Christmas sucks.

I'm bored.

I'm tired of writing.

I'm gradually deteriorating.

No one notices though that I'm having a bitter time. Oh well, that's better than to have a pushy guidance counselor force you to tell all your problems while looking at you with those freaky puppy dog eyes.

Damn, since when did I become this bitter like Ultrabitch? I didn't know there was an Ultrabitch syndrome.

oops and another oops

2007-12-23T22:31:00.002+08:00

"everything I said in that stuffy room of scattered papers was just part of my defense mechanism (even if I don't really know what defense mechanism means, well whatever, it sounds good and it seems the right term to what I've been doing)."

People always tell me to just accept the RSSPC miracle. Unfortunately, after taking the grueling Journ exam, the sad truth, or maybe a nasty prank, came from Ms. Jown herself by telling me that a problem somehow occurred in the announcement of winners. Her friend and Mr. Puig's colleague confirmed that I won but when she went to the RSSPC office, I was not in the list. She told me not to be brokenhearted (as if I would be) if ever the mistake would be true. Well, thank God I hate journalism and all its uptight rules. Wait, scratch that.

FUCK JOURNALISM, RSSPC, AND THE ONE WHO INVENTED THE NEWSPAPER!!!!

Let's all write poetry like Lyka!

I haven't told anyone about this, this funny twist in what I thought was already a ridiculous occurrence in my boring life.

Laaadidaaa.... what's new anyway? I join a contest and then I lose. It's just like eating and then defecating.

don't blame the piano!

2007-12-09T21:57:00.003+08:00

I'm about to gag myself for screwing up my piano career...AGAIN! I thought my last disastrous recital was back in the days when I was just a stupid nine year old. Ok, so rewind to December 9, 11:00 am:

............................Oh my God..It's to depressing to even recall and write about.

I hate recitals. I hate Burgmüller. I hate The Chatterbox. I hate The Little Party. I hate my effed up piano audition in UST!

N-O-N-S-E-N-S-I-C-A-L

2007-11-19T19:05:00.001+08:00

bluebazongasbombasticbananasballooningballoonsinthemiddleofmystupidtonguetwister

Pretty much nonsensical, don't you think?

Yep. That's what I am these days, N-O-N-S-E-N-S-I-C-A-L. From Miss E-I-C to Miss I-love-to-rant-in-my-blog-and-no-one-would-stop-me-or-else-I-will- beat-their-brains-out! I just read babaengbadtrip's blog about the lows of being and becoming a journalist. So far, she got it all right. Honestly, is there really passion for writing or pretension in writing?

Next Wednesday, the 26th of November, I will be joining the ever-so-boring-and-tedious RSSPC. It's this press conference for campus journalists or wannabe campus journalists. As far as I'm concerned, I'm in the middle! No gold medals for this pretentious writer! The hell with that! I just wanna dance, dance, dance 'til my mask gets off from my spinning!

dancesoitallkeepsspinning.-haruki murakami

playing hooky

2007-11-09T14:58:00.002+08:00

November 9, 2007
Friday
3:05 pm
at home grumbling

I should really be in school right now. As in this minute, this second, NOW. However, after a mix-up with my school uniform and club uniform, I had to go back home just after I got off the tricycle.

Maybe today I was destined to stay at home so I could sulk inside my room while eating potato chips. Damn, I hate a full-day absence. Let me fill you in with the details with this timeline so you'll know what I'm talking about:

5:45-5:50- My mom was waking me up. Just mumbled an excuse saying I'm having dysmenorrhea but to tell you the truth, I was too burned-out to go to school.

5:50-10:30- All is well when you're asleep.

10:30-10:45- Woke up. Just stared across the space. Simply disoriented.

10:45-11:00- Enjoyed a cup of coffee. Waited for lunch.

11:00-11:15- Had my lunch. Thought to myself that the fried fish was too salty

11:15-11:40- Had a conversation with my lola about things. Considered asking her for money so I could buy a new book.

11:40-12:10- Took a bath. Enjoyed having a long bath without worrying about getting late for school. Turned out I was sooo wrong.

12:10-12:20- Got prepared for school. Had my uniform on and said goodbye to my lola and tita who did not say a single word about me who should be wearing club uniform.

12:20-12:35- Rode the tricycle. Got off. Saw Lyka and Diego wearing club uniforms. Said to myself, "Oh crap."Told to go back home and change before the bell rings. Rushed off.

12:35-12:50- Blew up a fuse at home. Started shouting at my lola and tita for not telling me that they knew about the club uniform, and trashing the cabinet looking for my Dance Club T-shirt while oblivious that the damn shirt was in my mom's room. What the hell was it doing there anyway? Decided to not to go to school anymore while biting people's heads off.

12:50-1:30- Realized that I couldn't take the special quiz anymore in English and that I would skip a VERY important meeting in VOX.

1:30-2:30- Finished reading the book Girl, Interrupted. Contemplated whether to buy another book or not.

2:30-3:35-Wrote a formal letter for VOX. Finished writing this blog.

I'm so dead on Monday.

fee-fie-foe-fum

2007-11-07T21:49:00.002+08:00

fee-fie-foe-fum... did i get the spelling right? Those are the words, well not exactly words, inside my head. I don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with out talkfest's theme, Children's Lit. Jack and the Beanstalk isn't my favorite children's story. I do like the golden eggs though but I can't remember if those eggs came from a chicken or a duck, or neither of both.

fee-fie-foe-fum
the witch is about to come
with her big backside
everyone, move aside

fee-fie-foe-fum
trouble is about to come
i think i should shut up now
but i really don't know how

fee-fie-foe-fum
whatever that is to come
i'll just brace myself and say
you people are giving me a bad day

Hail to shiteous poems!

all time low

2007-10-27T23:53:00.001+08:00

And then I thought that this would be the best day of my life.

It's not that I'm such an egoistic person or a stuck-up queen, but I really think that we deserved to win in the ENIGMA. Isn't it suspicious when all those 29 /30 points disappeared when tension started to rise between the so-called BOSS and us "mere" students? They said that it was a "back to zero" system. Who are you kidding? Tell that to idiots and not to NERDS.

Oh yeah, what happened to our music? Why were we not informed that the order of performers were changed which made us look extremely stupid? If I remember it correctly, we got the number three spot, then suddenly our music was being played without us knowing why! And now we are the arrogant freaks who do not have any manners!

This is so shiteous. Everything we worked hard for just disappeared in a snap. Whatever indeed. God bless the Enigma and all those who cannot break free from the harness of the BOSS!

when i get preachy: extreme stupidity

2007-09-24T21:15:00.001+08:00

Would you do something totally irrational and stupid just for the sake of satisfying your curiosity and thrill? I've done that before. You know, the works. At first, it felt really good, doing things you thought you never would do. Being notorious was fun but that fun was only temporary. You would realize that your life deserved better things than those alcohol binges, cig sticks, and dangerous drives.

I am now a senior and my life is a two-way path: the good side and the bad side. The good side will lead me to a difficult journey towards greatness and success. The bad side will be a momentary paradise but after that, things will surely fall apart. I know already what to choose. Having experienced the bad side of life, I'm definitely not one to commit the same mistakes again.

I really thought that people my age would know what is good for them. I don't want to sound preachy or whatever, but isn't it stupid to commit a crime then denying it afterwards even if you're already caught red-handed. I know certain individuals who are prone to this kind of ignorance. Individuals who pretend to be blind from the truth. For example, you were caught stealing something but thinking that you can get away with it, you denied the act without having even the iota of hesitation and conscience. You think it's cool but in reality it's just stupid.

What good would these things bring you? Temporary happiness? If so, then consider yourselves useless and narrow-minded.

back to reality II: when things get chaotic

2007-09-22T16:21:00.001+08:00

This is soooo nice. We can't release the first ish of VOX this coming Monday. And people won't be happy about it. Why? Missing pictures, complicated lay-out, and some stupid printing jargons hinder my path towards ultimate relaxation. I think I need to schedule a fever. Nah, I guess I just have to simply disappear. Wow, now I'm trying to runaway.

Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong for things to be so screwed-up like this. Honestly, I know I've been doing a hell of a performance! But why can't I get a reward for my f-ing sacrifices! A good, smooth, and trouble-free day would really make me happy.

back to reality I: manila, manila, manila

2007-09-20T20:43:00.001+08:00

Being back to reality somehow sucks. I just got home from our Retreat in Tagaytay. The place was beautiful. I could live there for a week. But only for a week. Silence doesn't really appeal to me as something amazing. I would rather live by the busy streets of Manila than to be stuck in a nun's convent (or the mountains for that matter).

I really missed the city. At the veranda of the retreat house, we could see Manila from afar, sparkling with the city lights like "precious jewels". It was a spectacular sight. It made me feel proud of my city even with its flaws such as the booming crime-rate and the pollution. Something about it made me feel optimistic and alive.

On our way home, my seatmate suddenly woke me up to tell me that we were back. True enough, I saw evidences of urbanity: gigantic billboards, smoke-belching vehicles, skyscrapers, and people minding their own business. This was the scenario when I left. I guess some things won't change. We were definitely back in the reality. The reality we left behind to start anew in an idealistic paradise.

Why do things seem to be pretty when you look from a distance? Is it because the rough edges are not magnified? Or is it because we don't really care about the flaws but only the beauty we may or may not see again when we peer closely?

I am home now. I am back in this city. I can now see things clearly. But even with the ugly truth, I am still hoping that I can see Manila like the way I've seen it at that veranda: beautiful and inspiring.

i guess i'll never be BLUE

2007-09-15T21:52:00.002+08:00

The damage is done.

I won't pass in Ateneo. I did a lot of 'eenie meenie minie moes' in the Math Proficiency and the Numerical Ability tests. I'm not even sure with the English Proficiency part, especially the essay. Anyway, I know that it's my fault. I didn't review for this exam. I was too busy with things like VOX. Well, at least I was doing my job. But whatever reason, I'm still disappointed at myself for flunking the ACET. I'm not a fortune-teller but I definitely know that I failed because my mind was completely blank while answering.

I still have La Salle though. If I won't pass there then I will surely be a goner.

crappy days II

2007-09-13T21:40:00.001+08:00

What would you do when everything in life falls apart? Honestly, I would get pissed-off and dramatic, LIKE NOW.

English period: lame reporting and unbearable first times

Ms. Mendoza was disappointed at our report about Appositive phrases. Actually, she almost gave us a 65 which was totally unheard of. Me? Getting a failing mark in English?! That's like a 360º turn on my part! I never had a grade below 80 in English! And I don't have any plans in starting now! If that happens I will be so mortified.

It was my first time to be unsure and to be so friggin' nervous in my forte. I had no idea what happened to our report yesterday. Thank God, Ms. Mendi gave us another chance. However, as if we were all plagued by bad luck, we screwed-up the second time around. Well, I'm not really sure if we received a failing mark but if you were to listen to us at that time, I swear you wouldn't understand anything about Appositive phrases. It's not that we didn't have any idea about it, it's because we were all scared and jumpy while waiting for Ms. Mendi to blow-up her fuse. Good thing she didn't.

to be continued.....

what happened to brit?

2007-09-10T21:55:00.001+08:00

I can't believe I'm writing a blog about Britney Spears. I'm not really much of a fan, especially now when her VMA performance sucked big time. After watching the video in You Tube, I was actually surprised that someone who was once a star in the stage looked like a zombie. Well, more like a stoner. Anyway, I kinda feel sorry for the train wreck. She really needs to put her life back together. But who cares? Everything was her fault. Or maybe the media has something to do with it too.

Just visit the Perez Hilton site: http://perezhilton.com/

photo courtesy of yahoo

crappy days

2007-09-09T14:32:00.001+08:00

I am currently on the verge of getting crazy. Our photojournalist disappeared into thin air. God knows where she went. Plus, our lay-out artist is texting me nonstop about the whereabouts of the missing pictures for our newspaper's news section. Oh yeah, the sports section too is in shambles. Today is September 9 and we need to release our issue on September 24. I know the interval seems to be long but YOU HAVE NO IDEA what we need to get through for the finished product. I am so freaking pissed. Our school principal is going to kill me if I screw this up. AND THAT WON'T BE A NICE PICTURE.

this sucks for now

2007-09-08T21:58:00.001+08:00

How do you make this thing work anyway? I think it will be light-years before I can come up with a good blog. I mean a good blog with a freaking good design. I don't really know how to fiddle with computers and stuff, especially in creating blogs with those customize thingys. I hope I can make Clarice or Dylan design my blog, or even my sister if she will stop putting too much pink and lime green. She made my Multiply look like something Barbie would create.

I guess this is goodbye and hello at the same time. Or is it hello and then goodbye? Whatever.